


But First, They Must Catch You.

by skybean



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, Trans Girl Allen Walker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 12:26:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybean/pseuds/skybean
Summary: Allen has a dream where she talks to Cross while on the run.





	But First, They Must Catch You.

Allen Walker enters the bar with only one thought in mind—to find the man she had been hunting for. She knows that her persona is not that of the lady she had grown up to be—but that was the point. People would be looking for the young lady who fled the Order in the night, not the young man she was presenting to be.

It was painful. It was necessary.

Her hands shake as she approaches the man at the bar. His back is turned to her, but there’s no mistaking that hat, or that red hair. There’s no bartender in here—there’s nobody in here except the two of them. This is alarming, of course; if she is wrong, in this moment, there is no turning back.

When she sits down, she’s aware that her innocence is missing. She has only one arm. She looks down. She’s wearing a skirt. Not what she had worn when she entered the bar. But there’s a drink—a small shot of whiskey—in front of her, and Allen knocks it back without thinking about it; thinking instead that she is right about who the man next to her is.

“Whenever they catch you,” he begins, knocking his own shot back as well, “they will kill you. But first, they must catch you.”

__But what does that mean?__ Allen wants to ask. But she finds her control over her body is gone. Her eyes ache and she watches her one hand spread its fingers out, before she hears her voice, but with an unfamiliar accent, begin to speak:

“But first they must catch me.”

“That’s correct. You must know by now—” __but she doesn’t know__ “—that they’ll be looking for her. That no matter what your desires were for the person in the past, they’ll consider her now a traitor. You’re playing with fire—and this isn’t the game you want to be burnt in.”

A demure laugh escapes Allen’s throat—one that almost sounds like herself. “Give me some credit, Cross. No matter what you seem to think, I know what I am doing.”

“...I suppose you do.”

__Help me.__ Allen thinks. __Look at me. Help me. Please—I don’t want to disappear! Not like this!__

**Shut up.**

Allen seems to have control over her body, at least in this moment. She pushes away from the bar, her pants—when did they become pants again—pulling tightly against her, as if they’ve stiffened from disuse.

“Allen. I never wanted you to disappear.”

Allen swallows. She knows if she looks back, she’ll run to Cross—to her memories of Mana, to everything she’s worked so hard to not run away from. Allen does not look back as she opens the door to the bar.

“Nobody ever asked me what I wanted, anyway.” Allen says it woodenly, as if she’s being held at gunpoint to say these things. She’s not normally so cruel—or perhaps she is, and she’s no longer wearing a mask within the safety of this place.

Why does she think it is safe in here? _(_ _ _Is it safe in here?__ _)_

She feels his hand upon her shoulder, and knows if she looks back, she will never wake up.

She pushes him away and walks forward.

Allen Walker wakes up.


End file.
